I Know I know

I have been the worst blogger the last couple days. I had a emotional night a few days ago, and I am STILL trying to recover from it. So here is what happened. To have a small recap, Gavin has been sleeping through the night for almost TWO months now, and on the off nights he does wake up at say 3am I just let him cry it out until he falls back asleep. So on Saturday night/Sunday morning I hear Gavin crying at 3:30am, I try to fall back asleep, and I think I did for a couple minutes then at 4am I wake up again to him SCREAMING HARD, More than I have heard in a long time. So I decided to go check on him.......As SOON as I got out of bed he stops crying, I ALMOST went back to bed but thought I'm already up, so I go into his room and I am looking for his head.......I CANNOT FIND IT!!!!!!!! He has started "crawling" around his crib, and managed to do a completely turn himself around. He was being SMOTHERED with a THICK blanket that I had at the very bottom of his crib. It is sagies favorite blanket and she insists that he sleep with it........so I just put it in there but not on him!!!! So I grab him and he is already starting to turn a little blue......Luckily for me he starts SCREAMING again. I know how to do infant CPR but NEVER thought I would ever have to do it. I watch his breathing for a couple minutes and decided to feed him to get him back to sleep. I slept in his room the rest of the night....I am now a paranoid Mommy.......He now sleeps in his long jammies and is NOT ALLOWED to have ANYTHING in his crib....ESPECIALLY blankets!!!!!!!! I CANNOT help but wonder what would have happened if I had NOT checked on him....It would not have been good, That's for sure!!!!!!!! I know I was prompted to check on him when I did, and I am so thankful for that small still voice. I am so thankful for my kids and I DON'T know what I would do if anything ever happened to them. I have found a greater love for them the last week and maybe that was all I NEEDED to learn from the experience.